I have learned a lot from doing theatre as a hobby, from team work skills to being aware of my surroundings and the people around me. But, the most important thing that I have taken with me is the ability to take in feedback. And believe me when I say, it has not come easily.
Now, I might come off as cheesy and pompous, but especially lately my most important goal as an actor has been to convey something real that resonates with people. Something that is believable. With our next production ‘Agnes of God’, which is a character-driven drama, this is especially important. And I try really hard to do this already in rehearsals. And sometimes the response from our lovely director Anastasia is not exactly what I am expecting. “I’m just not buying that yet” is not what you want to hear when you feel like you have put your 150 per cent out there.
But of course, it is something that I need to hear, no matter how difficult it might seem at the time. The director is not saying what she says to be mean: she is doing it to help me reach my goal of believability. She is making me push myself to 200 per cent or even more. By telling me what she thinks I should improve, she is conveying that she knows I can get there. And then when in the following rehearsals I do get it right, it makes me feel all the better, knowing that I have been able to develop myself.
When we started the rehearsal process for this play, I can honestly say that I was struggling. I felt like something wasn’t clicking. And the feedback I was getting was in the lines of “try not to look so creepy” and “that doesn’t feel natural.” One day, Anastasia sat down with me and asked me why I was doing certain things the way I was. I thought about it for a bit, and suddenly came to a realization: because the character has some similar traits to the real me, I was worried that maybe I would end up just playing myself on stage. And I was compensating for this by talking and expressing myself in a way that was so far from how Pauliina talks and expresses herself that it came off as weird and fake. After that talk I let go of that fear, and that is when I truly started to become Dr. Martha Livingstone. Sometimes all you need is that outsider perspective to figure out what the problem is.
There are plays in which I have fallen into the trap of conveying a caricature or a stereotype rather than a person, who feels real and multifaceted. Especially in comedies, it is easy to slip into doing this. And, in some plays, this is actually something that is desirable. But often times it might become boring for the audience to watch – even characters that might have some stereotypical traits should not be all about that. I hope that when I step on stage at the end of November, you will see someone, who could exist in real life. And for that, you can give praise to our director, who has guided me there with her resilience and questions.
-Pauliina
But of course, it is something that I need to hear, no matter how difficult it might seem at the time. The director is not saying what she says to be mean: she is doing it to help me reach my goal of believability. She is making me push myself to 200 per cent or even more. By telling me what she thinks I should improve, she is conveying that she knows I can get there. And then when in the following rehearsals I do get it right, it makes me feel all the better, knowing that I have been able to develop myself.
When we started the rehearsal process for this play, I can honestly say that I was struggling. I felt like something wasn’t clicking. And the feedback I was getting was in the lines of “try not to look so creepy” and “that doesn’t feel natural.” One day, Anastasia sat down with me and asked me why I was doing certain things the way I was. I thought about it for a bit, and suddenly came to a realization: because the character has some similar traits to the real me, I was worried that maybe I would end up just playing myself on stage. And I was compensating for this by talking and expressing myself in a way that was so far from how Pauliina talks and expresses herself that it came off as weird and fake. After that talk I let go of that fear, and that is when I truly started to become Dr. Martha Livingstone. Sometimes all you need is that outsider perspective to figure out what the problem is.
There are plays in which I have fallen into the trap of conveying a caricature or a stereotype rather than a person, who feels real and multifaceted. Especially in comedies, it is easy to slip into doing this. And, in some plays, this is actually something that is desirable. But often times it might become boring for the audience to watch – even characters that might have some stereotypical traits should not be all about that. I hope that when I step on stage at the end of November, you will see someone, who could exist in real life. And for that, you can give praise to our director, who has guided me there with her resilience and questions.
-Pauliina